"The purpose of a man's heart is like deep water, but a person of understanding will draw it out.  
Proverbs 20:5



It is a gift when someone takes the time to explore who you are and what God has put in your heart.  It takes intentionality to do that and do it well.  That is what a coach does.

As a coach, I've learned two things that can help someone explore more of the deep waters of their heart.

1.  Notice the bubbles.  
In deep waters, when there's something below the surface, you know it is down there when bubbles appear on the surface of the water.  Often, bubbles can be easy to overlook or dismiss.  Focus on noticing bubbles, and you'll discover people are bubbling over.  Why? Because people are created with deep, good hearts and there are big and small things that have yet to be explored within them.

So what do the bubbles look like?  Great question.

• A word, phrase or topic that keeps getting mentioned
• What is said with more emotion or intensity
• What makes their eyes light up
• What gets them excited and animated
• What seems important

2.  Use the two magic words when bubbles appear.
What are those two words?  Simple -- "Say more."  I know it may feel awkward at first to try out those two words, but you'll be surprised how responsive people are to them and how they actually appreciate them.

I used this just the other day with my daughter.  She said just a sentence-worth about something God was teaching her.  It seemed important, so I just said, "Say more," in response.  Without skipping a beat, she then continued, expounding on what had only been just an initial, short thought.  Her clarity and joy increased as she explored it further, and I got to enjoy more of her and what was in her heart that I wouldn't have gotten without the two magic words.

Think of someone you'd like to try this with -- your spouse, a child, a friend, a coworker, someone you coach or mentor. Look for the bubbles and when you notice them come up, use, "Say more."  Enjoy what follows and how it adds meaning to them and you.  

By the way, you can even use this in your relationship with God.  If there is something that keeps coming up or that seems important as you talk with God, you can just respond to Him with, "Say more."  Afterall, He has a deep heart for you.

Remember the last time you had a moment of real clarity.  Your mind was stuck, going over and over something without any real progress.  Then suddenly, the clouds parted and the light broke through.  You had a powerful realization you didn't have even a second ago?  And with that realization something important shifted inside you.  What seemed discouraging moments ago, suddenly felt hopeful, even exciting?   What a great feeling that is!

For me, these important moments of clarity often come in conversation with a few skillful people in my life.  Surprisingly, it's not because of what they tell me, but rather what they ask me that makes the difference. 

Here are 4 simple steps (three of which I picked up from Keith Webb and have expounded on) that you can begin using today that will move you toward helping people break through the clouds of their thinking to bask in the light of clarity. 

Start with step one, and as you get better at that, move on to step two, then three and four.  They are simple, but take practice to develop.

1.  Don't tell.  Ask a question, any question.

Asking means you're going to stop telling people your thoughts and inputting your advice.  Even though I know your thoughts and advice are good, the thing is, the most powerful insights for people come from within them.  That's because people know their own situation better than anyone else, and insights from within are also most often attached to the motivation to carry them out.

2.  Ask an open question. 

An open question is a question that has an unlimited number of answers.  An open question can't be answered by "yes" or "no", or a one word answer.  For example, "Did you have a nice day today?" is not an open question.  Here's an open question instead,  "What did you enjoy about your day today?" 

3.  Ask a powerful question.

A powerful question is an open question that elicits perspectives a person hasn't considered up to this point.  If someone has to pause and really think before they answer, you know you've asked a powerful question.  For example, "What do you think God was up to in your day today?" could be a powerful question.

4.  Ask a powerful question from a place of presence and real listening.

This is the real game changer for people.  When you're truly present with someone and listening well, you'll be able to notice not only the words said, but how it's said.  For example, "You seemed excited when you mentioned ________.  How does that connect with what God is up to in your life right now?"  The powerful question is tied to noticing the non-verbals that come from presence and good listening -- perhaps, tone of voice, pace of talking, or brighter eyes that indicate excitement.