Four Steps to a Positive, Profound Impact on Others.

by Karen Nash

Remember the last time you had a moment of real clarity.  Your mind was stuck, going over and over something without any real progress.  Then suddenly, the clouds parted and the light broke through.  You had a powerful realization you didn't have even a second ago?  And with that realization something important shifted inside you.  What seemed discouraging moments ago, suddenly felt hopeful, even exciting?   What a great feeling that is!

For me, these important moments of clarity often come in conversation with a few skillful people in my life.  Surprisingly, it's not because of what they tell me, but rather what they ask me that makes the difference. 

Here are 4 simple steps (three of which I picked up from Keith Webb and have expounded on) that you can begin using today that will move you toward helping people break through the clouds of their thinking to bask in the light of clarity. 

Start with step one, and as you get better at that, move on to step two, then three and four.  They are simple, but take practice to develop.

1.  Don't tell.  Ask a question, any question.

Asking means you're going to stop telling people your thoughts and inputting your advice.  Even though I know your thoughts and advice are good, the thing is, the most powerful insights for people come from within them.  That's because people know their own situation better than anyone else, and insights from within are also most often attached to the motivation to carry them out.

2.  Ask an open question. 

An open question is a question that has an unlimited number of answers.  An open question can't be answered by "yes" or "no", or a one word answer.  For example, "Did you have a nice day today?" is not an open question.  Here's an open question instead,  "What did you enjoy about your day today?" 

3.  Ask a powerful question.

A powerful question is an open question that elicits perspectives a person hasn't considered up to this point.  If someone has to pause and really think before they answer, you know you've asked a powerful question.  For example, "What do you think God was up to in your day today?" could be a powerful question.

4.  Ask a powerful question from a place of presence and real listening.

This is the real game changer for people.  When you're truly present with someone and listening well, you'll be able to notice not only the words said, but how it's said.  For example, "You seemed excited when you mentioned ________.  How does that connect with what God is up to in your life right now?"  The powerful question is tied to noticing the non-verbals that come from presence and good listening -- perhaps, tone of voice, pace of talking, or brighter eyes that indicate excitement.

---